Congratulations! You’ve made it to your fourth decade on the earth. What’s that, you say? You’re not feeling that excited? Well, now that I am just a few months away from 50, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned. First of all…
The Bad News
- Whatever little wrinkles you have noticed forming recently will look like nothing at all compared to the sagging you’ll have before this decade is out.
- You will not be spared the middle-aged weight gain, but you won’t gain much.
- As for physical activity, you will be able to do much of the same things IF and ONLY IF you learn to take care of your body in a different way. You can no longer “push through” any pain you may experience while exercising, as that may lead to “permanent injury” or “dropping dead”. (NOTE: That won’t happen to you, or I wouldn’t be writing this.) If something hurts, STOP what you’re doing. If it still hurts when you stop, put ice on it as soon as possible. If you do not invest time and energy in post-activity care, you will be mighty sad.
- There are limitations: you days of dancing ’til the wee hours are quickly coming to an end
- Befriend a nice, old, very experienced acupuncturist and a quality massage therapist. In general, you will need a squad of health care professionals to keep you on track. It takes a lot of time and money but it’s the only way to avoid spending most of your time in pain and/or in bed.
- As healthy as you eat now, you are going to have to eat EVEN HEALTHIER. It may seem like a pain in the ass at first, but you’ll feel much better. Eating as much fresh fruit as you damn well please if actually very pleasant.
- Give up on limiting your hobbies and actitivities. No, really. You’re just never going to be able to keep them down to a reasonable amount.
- For long periods sitting on your ass, you need to learn proper ergonomics and posture. Otherwise are going to have major neck and back issues. I strongly recommend Alexander Technique.
- Sadly, ones close to you will go through a life-threating illness and/or die during these years.
- The world will continue to go to hell in a handbasket, with occassional moments of slim hope.
The Good News
(Although this list is shorter, it really counts more. Quality, not quantity.)
- Since you’ve been diligent with your self-introspection and self-awareness, the 40s is where you start to really reap the benefits. If you’ve dealt with your problems from the past, you should feel pretty good about yourself now. However, I do recommend a little therapy tune-up if you haven’t been in a long time to clear out any remaining specters than may be lurking around that you’re not necessarily conscious of. It will improve life significantly.
- A by-product of the above is, since you know yourself better, you should have a clearer picture of who you want to spend your time with and let go of some lame (non-reciprocal) friends.
- Overall, life does continue to get better and better. You will achieve things in this decade that you never thought possible. You will do many, many things that you could not imagine yourself capable of doing. You will surprise yourself a lot and be very happy.
In conclusion
Accept that you are not young anymore. On the other hand, you are NOT OLD. You are middle-aged. There is still a ton of things you can do and with more wit, wisdom and élan than ever. So go have some fun.
… now, if I could only find a time machine so I could actually deliver this message.
Comments
3 Responses to “Advice to My 40-Year-Old Self”
Leave a Reply
What happened to the sex part? You are getting old.
And really do you have to be so positive all the time?
Dear E,
Fuck your negativity.
Sex, sex, sex. Did I mention sex?
Feel better?
- The Nerger
[…] had some comments on my post Advice to My 40-Year-Old Self that, although facetious, had a point. It seems she thought my post was too sunny to be sincere. […]