I’ve mentioned on this blog a few times feelings of general anger that I have at work. Now sometimes everyone around me is behaving like a bozo so my anger is justified but sometimes there is NOTHING HAPPENING and I still feel angry. But,hey, I’ve been chalking it up to the fact that I hate working in a dark cubicle when I could be frolicking in the sun.
Last night I was playing my guitar and was having problems with my distortion pedal AGAIN. And, yes, it is very frustrating that I don’t get to play guitar the way I want and have had a continuing saga of equipment failure/body failure (aka crippled hand). But my reaction was very bizarre. I became absolutely furious in a way I don’t think I’ve experienced in decades. I chucked the guitar on the couch, stomped out of the room, and got into my pajamas and then my bed. I was so enraged I couldn’t even look at the guitar or equipment for another second.
Now, if you search for Menopause and Anger, you’ll finder many sites that will say that the reason that anger appears at menopause is because of hormonal imbalances. But it will also say that it is more pronounced because women have a history of suppressing anger, that it comes at a time of their life when children are teenagers or leaving home, that they are people-pleasers, that they have a history of feeling guilty over anger, and that exacerbates the problem into rage. Also, that sometimes angry outburst can be a segue into honest communication with the person you are angry with.
As with most articles for women, none of this fits me. I have been just fine with my anger for the last 25 years. I have no guilt over it. My children were bunnies and piggies who died several years ago. And I don’t see how blind rage will improve my communication with my guitar.
The advice for ragers is to exercise, eat right, take flax seed oil, blah blah blah… all the things I have been doing.
Well, I just hope this won’t be a common occurrence and, if it does occur again, I direct my rage toward inanimate objects.
Listen to the nice music in this calming video:
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2 Responses to “Rage, rage against the dying of the… OH FUCK IT.”
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you link to my blog as being one the “people pleasers.” I don’t know if I should agree or be offended! Regardless, I don’t disagree with your observations. I agree that it’s as much a timing/maturity issue as a hormonal issue. However, you can’t deny that the increased frequency and easily triggered anger isn’t just due to not liking your dark cubical, right? I, too, have been fine with my anger. I’m a great screamer. I just don’t usually expose “outsiders” to it. Hence I’m a people pleaser, I guess? Anyway, the rage is real. And it’s oppressive. Mine has gone into remission for the time being. I hope it doesn’t come back.
Yeah, I don’t see you as a people pleaser, I linked to your blog because it had similar sentiments to what I was feeling! I loved your illustration. So my link is hecka misleading and since I wrote that post months ago, I don’t remember what my intention was. Interestingly,I also have seen a remission of the RAGE. Plus I stand up to work at my desk now so I can see out the goddamn window now instead of staring at cube walls. So I’ve reached some sort of stasis for now. I hope you are enjoying your oasis of relative calm, and thanks for writing.
BTW, totally jealous of your MacBook Air.