A few decades ago, it came to my attention that when I asked the DMV person who was taking the photo for my driver’s license to tell me when the photo was being taken, she/he would not. S/he wouldn’t tell me to smile, or say “ready” or any niceties. So, the photos never looked very good. We all know how lousy DMV photos can look.

I realized at some point the lousiness of these photos was due to our collective erroneous approach. In fact, there are even web sites who waste our time trying to tell us how to take a good DMV photo. We try to look friendly and pleasant, and instead end up looking doofusy and moronic. This is because, without having any idea when the photo will be taken, we are forced into two expressions:

  1. the idiotic half-smile
  2. the moronic blank stare

So, in my last photo shoot of about ten or fifteen years ago, I decided to go for a different expression: ANGRY. And it came out great. I looked hella pissed.

I recently had my photo updated, and I took the same approach, with even better results. Man, do I look pissed in my photo. I look positively murderous and psychotic. It’s fantastic.

I’ve decided my goal from now on is to make each photo look angrier than the last. And I’m telling you, you should try it. You can’t blow an angry look. At the very worst, you’ll look Charles-Mansonesque. And for years to come, instead of cringing when you have to look at your driver’s license, you’ll burst out laughing.

Of course, you could just aim for the ridiculous, but I think Angry Look requires more finesse.

I look at mine when I need a little cheering up. Damn, I look crazy in that picture.

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